I’m writing this not long after experiencing loss.
Even though someone is aged, even though they are dependent on others for support and even though they have lived a full happy life, physical passing can have a profound impact.
I honestly think there is very little that anyone can do to emotionally prepare for times like this.
What was key for me to move through this, was not to judge myself. To surrender to what I felt, without justifying it and to just be deeply present.
I’m sharing this here so you get a sense of how my personal work and lifestyle presently supports me.
I’ve created some lessons that may serve you now or in your future.
1: Feel the emotion without being it
The moment that I heard of the news, I felt intense emotion from the pit of my stomach. The intensity of it meant that even if I wanted to, I couldn’t suppress it. This physical reaction was an invitation into deeper awareness and connection, not in the moment but later on when I had space to reflect.
For the first time ever, I was ‘in’ the wave of emotion, brought about by a circumstance, but not consumed by it, knowing it wasn’t my innate state.
I was able to witness myself flow through the highs and lows but not fall victim to it. Knowing I’m not the emotion that it was simply an energy passing through me.
2: Be aware of where your mind takes you
I practiced staying aware of where my mind took me because my body felt pain, and not giving power to my mind.
This felt next level for me. For example, my mind told me ‘I should call everyone I know and tell them.’
Why? I remembered this exact story repeatedly from my childhood. That if something bad had happened, and everyone knew, it would bring sympathy, empathy and attention. This was conditioning, that I no longer wanted to give my power to. Instead I gave myself the empathy I desired.
My mind also told me that I should ‘appear sad’, so that others sensed my loss. Again conditioning from society and the collective, that I choose not to give my power to. I decided to not ‘appear sad’ but to be real and not to hide anything.
3: Be in your physical body to release the emotions
I let my body release what it had to, so that I didn’t suppress, deny or avoid ANY feelings.
Movement, breathing, drinking lots of water and herbal teas, baths, meditation, rest, facials, oils (Console, Frank, Serenity) were all the ways I supported myself.
4: Create your story
I asked myself this question, how did I want this episode in my life to be for myself and those around me?’
I played the tape through on this, and I wanted it to be something celebratory, in honour of an incredible woman in our family.
Truth be told, I was always scared of death as a child. I’d only ever lost my dog and that was tragic.
But I wanted my children to feel safe and not scared of what is ultimately going to happen. I spoke openly with my kids (ages 9 and 12) and let them ask questions that I answered honestly and openly.
This conscious choice enabled me to plug into higher consciousness and sense higher vibrations of energy and my own spiritual knowing.
5: Choose joy
I’ve heard this mantra many times, but when you're in an emotion it’s easy to forget, ‘consciously choose joy’. I reminded myself over and over that joy is a choice. Despite the circumstances. Joy is always a choice.
I found moments to celebrate all the amazing memories, I looked for joy, asked for joy and embodied joy. It’s funny that I found it in the smallest things. The robin on the tree. My camera, full of sunsets, memories and happy faces.
6: Healing mother wounds
And finally the biggest piece that I want to share is this, closing the mother wound. This is a wound that gets passed down generationally that impacts the female line.
Even though consciously in my day-to-day life I wasn’t aware of this wound, it came up for healing during this time.
Struggle. Burden. Repression. Denial of the fullest potential. Ignorance. Solitude. Switch of energy from feminine to masculine.
Witnessing this, feeling it and healing it was hard. I sobbed through the tears of ‘why me?’ and finally surrendered to truth, I believe my soul wanted me to do this work and break this cycle.
I remembered stories, again from childhood, where struggle and burden were normal. These were big energies for women to overcome, fuelled by willpower and the desire to create a better life.
I watched the women in my life and their daughters work harder, achieve more, aim higher and take on masculine roles. I followed in their footsteps.
I realised that I’ve spent the last 7 years undoing this programming, finding a better way.
This event was asking me to close this wound, to bring healing to a lineage of women, daughters and descendents, so that the energy shifts powerfully towards higher vibrations and new embodied ways of being.
To conclude, I’m reminded that being in my emotions was not natural for me.
I had armoured my heart so much that it took considerable healing to let my guard down, to drop my energetic defences and to open my heart to ever feel anything.
Wherever you are on your journey, please know there are many ways to support yourself.
I also recommend the following free resources that I’ve consciously created to empower you even more:
Healing Your Conscious and Unconscious Wounds Video here
Voilà Lounge free sacred group here
Join me on instagram here